Dating and the “patience is a virtue” experiment
I thought I’d give you a quick update on my current round of online dating. In summary: it has been painfully boring. Actually, it hasn’t been painful at all because, having an analytical side (and being an online dating veteran), I’ve been looking at the matchmaking process and results with an odd detachment like a scientist or researcher might. “Oh, look! The system’s churning through its pile of 42-45 year-old single/never married prospects. Interesting, very interesting…” A few days later: “Well, what do we have here? Looks like we’ve hit on the divorced computer programmer demographic!”
The matching system isn’t quite as obvious as I’ve described above, and Chemistry.com is living up to its promise of providing new matches as often as you want them to — so far. But I’m beginning to question whether these guys are even still subscribing to the site because I’ve indicated interest in a dozen guys in the last 6 weeks, and only one guy outside of the prospect who may have been kidnapped by Trump in Atlantic City (translation: lost interest in me somewhere near the Breezewood/Town of Motels exit on the PA Turnpike) has bothered to respond back. Not even a “no interest” indication, which would at least indicate that they are, uh, like still alive.
The one guy who finally started the painstaking “communication process” [insert eye roll] with me — we’re talking 2+ weeks after my indicating interest in him — takes days to respond and move to the next step. We finally got to the point in which we can email each other through the site. So what did he email me on Tuesday night? Basically,
“Hi, here’s another email address for you to contact me at. Look forward to chatting soon.”
For god’s sake, man! If you were in front of me I would grab you by the shoulders and shake you…and, frankly, that wouldn’t make a good first impression. Then again, it is painfully obvious (even to those of us in detached, clinical observation mode) that Guy is not all that interested in moving things along.
So why do it? Why proceed with this guy — or on this particular dating site at all?
I don’t know. I contacted him at his preferred email address late on Tuesday night as requested, but unless I hear something this weekend I’ll close it out for good. Hey, no sour grapes, whatev. As for going back to catalog shopping for men at Match or another site — that takes a lot more time and energy (and interest) than I think I have right now.
Truthfully, I’m busier than ever, largely “doing my thing” and not spending much time worrying about my lackluster love life. That’s good! But this spring will be 5 years since my divorce…and 5 years is a long time. Sometimes you do this stuff just to do something to keep the faith. I look around and see equally fine people who are in similar situations. We don’t want to settle, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we all wonder on occasion whether cupid is laying passed out in a ditch somewhere after a night of heavy drinking.
Does love come to those who wait?
My guess is science and programmed matchmaking can’t answer that…but I hope the answer one day is ‘yes.’
(Well, there’s probably a scientific study that can answer the question, but you researchers and statistics majors just keep it to yourselves already — unless the answer is yes…and the average waiting period is less than 20 years! )