Comments on: Dating and the “patience is a virtue” experiment

By: Susan

Susan — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 14:17:25 +0000

Oh, Lisa. And I thought I had been on a few doosies… I love the bagel chips and jar of pickles, though. That was thoughtful. Actually he sounds like a lost soul, but definitely not someone you’d want to date!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 02:56:23 +0000

The dog was supposed to be sorta like a blind person with a seeing eye dog. I guess this little wiener was a PTSD dog. He also went into how he got thrown out of the last restaurent he was in and the crazy scene he made. Believe it or not, I went out with him a second time, Fat , little, sausage dog and all. He wanted to bring a picnic and watch the sunset at the beach. The picnic consisted of a bag of bagal chips, a jar of pickles, Some really nasty chees spread and store bought , incredibly grody shrimp cocktail in those pull off lid containers. He tasted it and threw it out the window. I asked him to put it in the trash. He did and didn’t flip out. That was it. He was nice, but we mostly talked about his ex.

By: Susan

Susan — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 02:38:28 +0000

Lisa, thanks for sharing your experiences. Wow, maybe one could take the PTS, flat broke bloke with an ex girlfriend in the wings, but bringing a pocket DOG on a date? That definitely takes the cake…or dog bone…or something!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 23:56:18 +0000

Susan,
I was married 20 years, was with this man for 5 years before that. We were not happy, but we had two kids and quite frankly, we couldn’t afford to pay for two households. So 4 separations, and three times filing for divorce, the third one took. That was 7 years ago. For some reason when I got divorced, quite a few others did, too and still had single friends. We went out and had a good time, but I never met any guys. A few of us tried the online thing. Within a year almost every one of my single friends were either living with some or married. Some either moved VERY far away or vice versa. Some found men nearby. I’ve been on at least 5, if not more sites. I accumulated quite a few funny stories but no relationships. Most lasted 1-2 dates max. My friends say I’m too picky, but when you get guys who bring their tiny, fat dog on a date at a restaurant and the first thing he tells you is he has PTSD from Vietnam, he’s broke, and as soon as he gets home his ex girlfriend will be calling to see how this went, it just doesn’t seem worth it. That was one of the more normal men. As far as finding dates through friends, at my age most everyone is married and they all know I’m single. They all know I’d like to meet a man. They all tell me they don’t know any single guys. The few they do know they would never send my way. Usually broken or crepy. They love me too much. I’ve refriended 2 or 3 times because when my friends find someone, the space their friends took get taken by the lover. I understand. Between work, kids, lover or husband, activities, etc. etc. There’s not much time left.
Sophie: Thanks for your story. It’s great t know it CAN happen.
Susan, Don’t you find the men in their 40s and 50s, who’ve never been married or been in a relationship for very long are pretty stuck in their own ways and not very good at anything long term? And who the heck cares if some guy happens to read about himself? I have some REALLY good stories. My friends say I should write a book. I think I’ll just save them for good party conversation, if I ever go to a party. They also, if you can believe it, make good date stories, if your with a guy with sense of humor. I actually had a few of those and their stories were pretty damn funny or horrifying. Guess the men go through the same thing.

By: Sunday: Susie ain’t got no patience for wet noodles « One-Woman Show

Sunday: Susie ain’t got no patience for wet noodles « One-Woman Show — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 02:49:39 +0000

[...] Dating and the “patience is a virtue” experiment [...]

By: curt

curt — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:21:08 +0000

I’d say that dude’s response was lackluster. plus, he ended a sentence with a preposition….

keep on pluggin, kid.

keep in mind that the holidays are upon us (as I know you know) and that makes the process all the more slow, with everyone being distracted n’all.

and, also keep in mind that life is long and that you aren’t done, yet.

By: Susan

Susan — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:17:48 +0000

Thanks, Madame. My friends already know I’m looking, and I’ve met 1 or 2 people that way, but nothing has panned out. In fact, a few times my friends have said, “I know someone, but…wait, never mind. No, I’d never set you up with HIM…”!

By: Madame Queen

Madame Queen — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:39:13 +0000

Yeah, don’t settle. You don’t seem like the type that would, but just throwing that out there.

I remember when I was single in college I didn’t play the “just wait, he’ll come to you when the time is right” game very well. It’s hard, especially when you’re a control freak like I am, to turn over control to “destiny.”

Most of the successfull relationships I know were instigated by friends. You need to put your friends to work!!

By: Susan

Susan — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 00:00:11 +0000

Lulu, baby, I’m here — the Susan model is built and they STILL ain’t coming anywhere near me. Wait, that didn’t sound quite right. Anyway, thank you for the words of encouragement and humor. I do like baseball and at one time had a thing for Kevin Costner – SO over that, BTW. I won’t settle, that’s a promise.

Jennifer: Don’t think that hasn’t crossed my mind (the part about someone I date reading this blog)! I make sure I don’t say anything too incriminating as a general rule. And if let’s say this guy were to end up the love of my life (which is highly unlikely, seeing that it’s Saturday eve and he’s still in radio silence mode), I’ll gladly explain to him why I wrote what I did.

Sophie: Thanks for sharing your story. You are absolutely right I/we have no control over this stuff. The only things I can do are NOT to become a hermit, TO dabble in some forms of dating/taking a chance, and just DO what makes me happiest. I admit I’ve had those thoughts of “well, I was with someone for 12 years, it didn’t work, that was it for me…that was my chance,” and I’ve accepted that that could be a possibility. (I know this makes my loved ones very jittery, and it sounds melodramatic, but it could be true.) But I’m an optimist and hope that good karma comes circling back. In the meantime, I’m trying to keep my head focused on the things I can control and let the rest happen.

My god, I sound like a freakin’ self-help testimonial! Oy.

By: Sophie

Sophie — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 15:27:43 +0000

Oh boy. Do you want to hear my story? (Uh, guess you can’t stop me now.) Does love come to those that wait? Yes. And before 20 years. At least in my experience.

I was divorced when I was 31. I met Grant when I was 39. Inbetween that time, I dated every weirdo in the metro Atlanta area. That could be a blog in itself. I even tried a “high-class, professional” matchmaking service — read: I paid a lot of money to meet weirdos!

Eventually I gave up. I was sick of the stress of finding, meeting, dating, and dumping (or being dumped). I went through a grieving period (oh, yea! another one!), realizing that I would never marry again and I would never have children.

Then I was invited to dinner by some friends of mine. “Oh, we’re inviting a friend of ours,” those stinkers said. They were matchmaking! Grrrr. But it was Grant, which turned out to be a lucky thing for me.

What I found so frustrating about dating is that you have NO CONTROL over the opportunities or outcome. It’s not like getting a degree or working in your profession. In a funny sort of way, I think the best part of those years was that I had to work on finding some peace about uncertainty and not having control. And the weirdos.

Sorry for the loooooooong comment.