People, I’m gearing up for what promises to be a thrilling month of blog posts of love and free giveaways, beginning February 1! Yes, that’s right – love, free stuff, FREE LOVE* for weeks! CHEAP THRILLS* and shameless promotion, it’ll all be here!
What? The over-hyped holiday of VALENTINE’S DAY makes you want to:
c) choke on your own vomit
d) choke on someone else’s vomit
d) all the above
e) none of the above [skip to the end and just wait for the next post, m'kay?]
Well, dammit, I haven’t had a fun Valentine’s day in a long time, so regardless of what happens in my love life (and there may be just such a something ;) ) I have posts and contests planned for all of you screaming-crying-retchers! Yes, and even you love bugs! Maybe even a contest to guess how many exclamation points and capital letters I can use in a single stream-of-
conscious-consciousness-manic-no clue-where-I’m-going-with-this-ill-advised post!
I will leave you hanging with that little teaser while I figure out exactly what I mean by “contests” and “free stuff,” but I promise we’ll have fun.
In the meantime, I learned on the way to IKEA yesterday that my children know the meaning of “hot” — as in teenager-like, lusty “HOT”:
T-Rex: [we're talking in the car about whatever]…Mom, did you know millipedes don’t have eyes?
Me: Nope, didn’t know that.
T-Rex: starts a long dissertation — wonder where he gets that from? — about Pokemon, millipedes and stuff that makes little sense to me. It all begins to run together in my head and I Mmmm, Yep, Uh-huh along with him until I hear him say… Ashley Tisdale is so hot!
Me: What did you say?
T-Rex: She’s hot!
Me: You’re too young to say that. If you think she is pretty, you can say “she’s pretty.”
T-Rex: I can say she’s hot if I want to.
Me: No you can’t.
T-Rex: Yes I can.
Me: No, you can’t. Pretty.
Drama Girl: I think Vanessa Hudgens is prettier.
T-Rex: Yeah, she’s hot!
Drama Girl: Zac is hot… [i.e., Zac Efron, Vanessa's co-star and real life boyfriend]
I didn’t get into the whole – “and everyone’s successful and smart, too, so let’s not focus on looks” bit because, honestly, all it took was turning the conversation back to Pokemon, which I still don’t understand and the kids STILL can’t explain to me, to get back to cool ground…for me anyway. I don’t think the kids were much affected by the experience.
Anyway, we got to IKEA to look for a loveseat for our tiny family room/makeshift office/playroom off of the kitchen. The only word I heard for the next 30 minutes as we walked through all of the pseudo apartments and living rooms was “AWESOME!” What can I say? It was music to my ears.
*If “divorced white women who wear pantyhose” didn’t get me new readers, I’m sure these phrases will.
Maybe I’ll pick up some teen readers, too, searching for their hot hearthrobs.