So, Susan, whatever happened with online dating?

Well, I knew I couldn’t avoid this question forever — you know, seeing that February is the month of LOVE (and Black History month, Groundhog Day, President’s Day, the Oscars, my car registration renewal, tax preparation time…). But it’s only fair that I tell you what happened after dazzling you and the millions who read my stories of excitement and chemistry here on my blog.

(Hey, those of you who really read the last several Love Goddess posts, just keep quiet, ‘kay?)

Here’s my topline summary of Susan’s Online Dating Experiment: Part Something-Something

Key Finding: One Woman’s Science is Another Woman’s HellWarm, fuzzy love

In my opinion, Chemistry.com was definitely better than e-Harmony in providing me with more matches more often — and with fewer painstaking questions. But after 6-7 weeks of pretty much zip in results I decided I preferred a site where I could see who was out there, have an opportunity to interact with more people – on my terms – and leave the matchy-match decisions to moi, not some “scientific screening process”. After all, I know what I want and like — I’m a an analytical, scientific kind of gal!

Sure, sometimes I breeze through recipes and mistake the little (t)easpoon for a (T)ablespoon, and I singed my eyebrows lighting the barbeque that one time, and I never took Chemistry or Physics, but I’m very qualified.

Where was I?

Key Finding: People You Treat with Respect and Kindness Will Respond in Kind…Most of the Time

How could you not trust this guy?I signed off of Chemistry and signed onto Match.com for a month. What was another $35 in the pursuit of love? Even Dr. Phil was on board.

I received several winks and emails on Match, and I emailed a few guys myself. I responded back to every email and most of the winks I received. Maybe it’s stupid – unnecessary and a time waster – maybe it’s sweet as some guys wrote to me, but it’s always been my policy to respond back. I figure if someone took the time to contact me in a tactful and respectful manner the least I can do is to send a polite, kind “I’m flattered, but no thanks.” Besides, I type fast. And I did.

For the most part everyone was gracious, although a guy occasionally would get confused: What’s wrong? Why don’t you think we’re a match? Is it the way I look? Or the one guy who USED CAPITAL LETTERS AND WROTE THAT HE LIKED TO LAUGH A LOT AND MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH AND HE WAS REALLY FUNNY LOL!!!! He told me I’d owe him $35 if I didn’t go out with him – HA, HA. I had no desire to go out with a cap-locked madman, but emailed him my standard “thanks but no thanks, best of luck.” His response: “OH, WELL, YOUR LOSS!!!”, which I imagined was meant to be read aloud with a maniacal laugh.

Note that he wrote me about a week later with a new pick-up line, apparently forgetting he had already been rejected. Delete. (LOL!!!)

And then there was the other guy — the one I had gone out with after this summer’s speed dating event. He emailed me, not recognizing me from before. I sent him a nice reminder that we’d already met and had gone out. (Unspoken words: we didn’t click, dude.) His response:

“Yes, now I remember you. Sorry I didn’t make the connection. Are your pictures recent? If so, you look like you’ve lost some weight. You look good in your pictures.
I hope you are well. Good luck.”

Mmmm. Apparently I made a larger impression in person. (Interestingly enough, one of the photos I posted was taken one week after I met him, and the other 2+ months after our date. And I weigh exactly the same as I did then.)

Key Finding: You Got to Know When to Hold ‘Em, Know When to Fold ‘Em

A month later, I had had dates with two nice, respectable men I didn’t click with, and I had been in communication, sort of, with a 33 year-old who liked to text me every 5 days with insightful, relationship-building comments like “how r u?” (After re-reviewing his profile, I also saw that I had overlooked the part about him living with roommates. Oops.)

cupid gone badI decided I had had enough — enough of men, emails, and online dating. I accepted online dating was a great way to connect with people I probably wouldn’t meet otherwise, but it wasn’t destined to be my ticket to happiness. I even commented as much on Terry Hernon MacDonald’s great Dating Advice (Almost Daily) blog and her post about Your Internet Profile.

I gave out a non-descript personal email address to 2 guys I had been emailing (and, yes, even Roomie) and signed off, this time for good.

Key Finding: It’s Smart to Listen to Terry (and Oprah, Buddha and Others)

A funny thing happened when I signed off of online dating. I exchanged an email or two with each guy at my home email. I already knew I didn’t have much interest in the one so, despite my “email in kind” policy, I let it peter out. Roomie texted me “hey” one day. That was it. I deleted it. I had my LASIK procedure and was lackadaisical about pretty much everything…except I finally talked by phone with my other match. We had a pleasant conversation, and a few days later he asked me to lunch.

We were surprised when we met. Really surprised. It turns out we had similar outlooks on life, relationships, family, etc. and liked each other. We clicked and I guess you could say we’ve been clicking ever since.

I’ve read and heard many times that if you ask the universe for what you want, it will give it to you. I also believe you have to take chances in life, risks and all. (See my refrigerator magnet: Leap and the Net will Appear.) I don’t know if the universe had a hand in this, or if meeting him was plain dumb luck, but right now we’re enjoying getting to know each other. It’s early, very early so I can’t say much more, but I will say I’ve been happily distracted. I may have even changed my opinion about online dating. ;)

And that’s all she wrote for tonight. Check back this week for a chance at a lovely giveaway or two!

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13 Responses to “So, Susan, whatever happened with online dating?”

  1. writesome | February 4, 2008, 11:32 am

    Susan, I’m so pleased to hear of your success. I’m inspired, especially since my latest hiccup and rash of non-responders. I tried out another site, one that also has an “Intimate” category. Almost every that intrigued me in the “Dating/Relationships” category was also in the “Intimate” category. Don’t get me wrong, I love intimacy, but would prefer to find it organically and not shop for it. I may change my mind…maybe this is normal. Enjoy the getting to know you time…I’m so happy for you.

  2. Tonya | February 4, 2008, 1:16 pm

    Hey remember we talked about this? I told you that my soldier appeared within a week or so of me signing off of Yahoo Personals. I was done, kaput, finito! Then WOW! And you said something along the lines of “well, it would be nice for things to fall into place like that for me…”

    Tada!

    Yay!!

  3. lauren | February 4, 2008, 1:59 pm

    hey!!
    ive been wondering how the dating thing was going…In some ways i think the beginning of a relationship is the best part-enjoy!! Can’t wait to hear more details…

  4. Lulu | February 5, 2008, 9:55 am

    Oooh! That’s pretty exciting. Can’t wait to hear more! About your distraction…and the giveaways.

  5. BlueEyes | February 5, 2008, 1:25 pm

    Susan

    You might enjoy a site is dedicated to online dating in Pittsburgh – http://pittsburghinternetdating.com/
    and I’d love to post your findings on the blog – with full credit/ Let’s talk!!!

  6. Leandra | February 5, 2008, 9:11 pm

    THAT is fantastic! Enjoy it. You deserve it.

  7. Pittsburgh Internet Dating Stories » So, Susan, whatever happened with online dating? | February 6, 2008, 8:25 am

    [...] Posted by BlueEyes1962 on 06 Feb 2008 at 08:25 am | Tagged as: Happy Endings, Pittsburgh Observations, We Never Got Past Email Susan is a Love Goddess-In-Training – a hopeless romantic with a feisty, feminist edge who aspires to be more than a Take-a-Tylenol-and-Wonder-Why-the-Hell-Dating-Hasn’t-Improved-in-20-Years kind of woman. She ikes her alone time and herself, but darned if she doesn’t keep jumping into the murky waters of online dating, speed dating, and blind dates. We didn’t say she was smart. You can find her adventures on  One-Woman Show – one woman’s tales of juggling life, laundry and love.  Susan agreed to let me reprint her findings on the Pittsburgh on-line dating scene: [...]

  8. Just Me | February 6, 2008, 4:59 pm

    Good luck, Susan! Can’t wait to hear how it goes. I’m finding it’s a strange new world, being in a new relationship after a 28-year marriage. The world has changed a lot while I was out of circulation!

  9. Lisa | February 21, 2008, 6:53 pm

    My ex and I separated 7 years ago after a 20 year marriage and 5 years togetger before that.. For some reason, there were several of us women, suddenly single, and we had a blast. A few of us did some plays, we went out alot together. We all decided to join some online dating sites. We all went out a lot. Within 6 months everyone, except me, were either living with someone, married…..3 actually either moved out of state or the guy did. I thought the world had gone MAD! I figured in a few months most would be Ka-Put. I refriended after a while. It seems once my girls found their guy….between jobs, kids, etc., the place the girls took up were taken up by the man. Same thing. Refriended one more time. It happened again. I thought, ” If I hear one more friend tell me about moving in with her new online love or getting married after only 4-6 months, I was going to run screaming naked down the street. Of course, it keeps happening. AND they’re all still together and apparently happy. So, I guess it’s me.
    I’ve been on and off a lot of websites for 7 years. I have a lot of great stories….but no relationships.My friends think I have some incredible material for a book or blog or something. Nothing lasted more than 2 dates. Except one…..he married a friend of mine last summer. We lasted 6 weeks. I don’t know what the secret is. I set my 6 weeker up with his current wife after he told me he just didn’t “feel it” for me. We have been friends.
    So, I know it really does work for some people. 7 years……I’m done for awhile, even though I am desperately lonely and horny as hell. I live in a small county full of college girls (3 colleges and several retirement communities and lot’s of families, married with kids.) Not a lot of single, middle aged men. I am always happy to hear success stories. It gives me hope. Much luck!!!!
    Lisa

  10. Lisa | February 26, 2008, 7:00 pm

    One more thing. Same thing happened to me 3 years ago. I dropped out of all of the online sites. I was finished. A couple of days later I get an e-mail from a man who seems perfect for me. He was transferring to my town and wanted to meet people before he got here. He was into theatre, like me. He is a musician, actor, singer, composer and has a terrific son. Plus his day job. We spoke on the phone every day for 3 or 4 hours. After a couple of weeks I went down to where he was training for the promotion. He looks like James Taylor back when he had long hair. He’s 6’4″. Very sweet. I told him he’d be a millionaire as a look a like. He said I was about the millionth person to tell him that. He came up here for a weekend to get to know me and the area. He was pushing pretty hard, but my, little voice kept saying it was too fast. Although, after all of the phone calls and visits we did know a lot about each other. I spent couple of weekends with him. I met his best friend, his son, and his ex wife, who he has a great relationship with. Extremely platonic. Then about 4 weeks later , he had to start his new job. I said he could hang at my house until he found a place. Now remember he was the pursuer….full on. I kept thinking about all of my other friends who to this day..3 years later from this story, but some 7 years and got together in a couple of months and are still together and seemingly happy. I figured what the heck. I’d been alone a long time. Why not see what happened? The worst would be I’d be right back where I started. So he’d play his guitar for me and sing almost every evening to me. It was fun. I wouldn’t ever wish I didn’t try. But after 2 weeks of living here, we went for a walk and I knew what was coming. He finally got up the nerve and told me “He just didn’t feel THAT way about me and it wasn’t fair to me to keep it going. We had a very emotional, sweet night. He stayed a few more days because I told him he could. Then he said he couldn’t do this to me anymore. It wasn’t fair. He packed and left. He was miseable for a year. I found out later he had been living in his car for a few weeks until he found a place. I thought he showed character. He could have leached off of me, even though we are just friends, if he wanted too. He came over at lunch to talk. He was very lonely. I took him to a play at the theatre I do some acting and catering at. There are fundraiser shows, I thought he’d be pefect for. I introduced him to my friend, who put them together…writing…producing…directing, etc. It took a year for me to get them to contact each other. He auditioned. He was in. Then my friend called to find out about him. Well, they got married last summer 2 years after I introduced them. Why can’t someone do this for me? It was obviously meant to be. Online dating. Very weird. That was my longest. As I’ve said before. No other one has lasted more than a few e-mails, phone calls and 1 or 2 dates..just because my friends say I need to give them a chance. For me, without chemistry….if the thought of the guy touching me makes me want to hurl…….why waste our time. But I do know it works for a lot of people. One of my friends is on the e-Harmony commercials. She found her 4th husband there.
    Lisa

  11. Susan | February 26, 2008, 8:25 pm

    Lisa, thanks for sharing your experiences. Honestly, I don’t know what to say except that the whole love/relationships thing — whether it happens online or off — is just timing and luck! I view online dating purely as a way to meet people, and I never felt this big “shame” that many people feel about it, which I’d like to think helped me keep some perspective when I, too, saw friends having success when I didn’t. So who knows? And even though I’m not personally a fan of e-Harmony, I’m glad it worked for your friend. Hopefully there won’t have to be a 5th hubby!

  12. Single Mom Seeking… » Archive » “Will I end up in your blog?” | February 28, 2008, 2:10 am

    [...] Do you write about someone you’re dating, like One Woman Show? [...]

  13. The Case of the Missing Blogger « One-Woman Show | March 5, 2008, 12:06 am

    [...] working, mothering, writing (sort of), reading, and living, I continued getting to know the man I began dating in January. I’ll call him Coach, since he spent a number of years coaching high school basketball. Coach [...]

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