Archive for the ‘Spam Artist’ Category

 
Or “What I learned about ‘giving thanks’ at a Cheetah Girls concert.”
 
I took Drama Girl and her friend to the Cheetah Girls concert Wednesday night, a belated birthday present to my daughter. Despite joking around earlier that day that I would need a few shots of vodka – or a spike through the head – [...]

I decided to do a little Krispy Kreme run for breakfast this morning. Yes, I know. I know the donuts are globules of sugar and lard (but 0% trans fat!). Yes, I know they aren’t exactly the breakfast of champions. But we haven’t been there in months and the kids press their faces against the [...]

My junk email and spam filters seem to be doing a good job these days.
Sigh.
It’s just not the same as before — the times when I could write long posts about the Penis Enlarge Patch, dreaming of the day I could get freelance work writing taglines for the PEP boys.
BTW, if you missed the comment [...]

I have re-entered the world of online dating, which I’ll tell you about this week. Oh, yes, plenty to say there, but I’m going to keep you waiting — mostly because it’s almost 8:00 and I haven’t eaten dinner yet.
In the meantime, I almost thought this email was some insanely bad proclamation of love from [...]

As you know, I get great joy from having an overflowing inbox of new email. (I have to compensate for that fact that no one calls me on my cell phone except for my parents and all I get are bills and catalogs in the snail mail.) All of these messages — the special promises [...]

Hi, I’m just in from Phoenix. It’s almost midnight Eastern time and I’m munching on french fries because the $5 airplane snack box didn’t quite cut it for dinner tonight. Well, I’m typing now; the fries are over there even though you can’t see where ‘there’ is.
My trip was good. I had a fun visit [...]

From: BIGLOBE INC.
Date: Sun, 26 Aug 2007 3:43 am
Re: Important Message!
I am Mr. Pyo Hong, Chairman/CEO BIGLOBE INC.
We specialize in manufacture and sales of electrical appliances worldwide. Presently I intend to have a representative in USA/Canada.
I have gone through your country’s directory and feel you are seemingly eligible for the position of branch manager [...]

You Need a Better Degree, and we can Help!
Obtain degrees from prestigious non ac Universities based on you life experience.
NO ONE is turned down.
7 days a week, 24 hours a day.Do it now..+1 (206) [etc.]
Regards,
Professor. Luis
Now? Right now?
Are non-accredited universities (excuse me, Universities) ever prestigious? Or is he referring to the lack of air conditioning?
Me [...]

After receiving the fantastic, encouraging responses to my last post, I’ve decided to follow my calling in a new roll: that as Spam Artist.

I know, I know. It’s inane, but I’m tired and without anything interesting in my life to write about tonight. I’ve decided to use my skills of interpreting, dissecting and editing emails [...]

In the last several weeks, I have received many troubling emails about an international crisis affecting us all. There seems to be an epidemic of wealthy, dying African widows with no one to turn to in their final days and no one is talking about it!
The stories of these women are heart-wrenching. The women are [...]