Query me this

Over the weekend I finished revising and sprucing up my query letter, synopsis and first three chapters of my manuscript — again…I think I’m up to at least my fifth draft. Today I mailed the package to the agent I pitched to a few weeks ago. Wow — what a feeling… of panic, then calm, then full-blown anxiety:

Susan thinking to herself:  What if the envelope falls apart? I should have bought a heavier envelope. Damn. What if it doesn’t meet postal standards? I mean, the nice man at the post office would have told me if it didn’t, right?

Voice of Rumi: Your seeking is the key to what you seek, this quest is your army and the victory of your banners.

Susan: Okay, you’re right, of course. The envelope will make it. It was made by Mead — that’s what they do, like me “doing” my writing. But maybe I should have sent it with a delivery confirmation. No, that would be stupid. That’s like one of those things that only desperate newbie writers do that agents blog about later.

Rumi: I was a tiny bug. Now a mountain. I was left behind. Now honored at the head…

Susan: What?

Voice of Oprah: Honey, don’t listen to him! He’s just in his groove. Now, listen, you did a good thing. Real integrity is doing the right thing — like sending that baby novel of yours out into the big bad world — knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.

Susan: But I have a blog. I’m blogging about it right now so now everyone knows. I should have paid for delivery confirmation, shouldn’t I have? Shit.

Oprah: I trust that everything happens for a reason, even when we’re not wise enough to see it.

Susan: What? So if the US Postal Service loses my query package there’s a reason for it?! Yeah, because I didn’t pay for delivery confirmation and got some cheap-ass envelope!

Voice of Joseph Campbell: Susan, it will be all right. We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

Oprah: You said it, Joe! You are LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE, GIRL!

Susan: Well, I don’t know… I’m actually really tired after all of this. My eyeballs feel like they’re going to fall out of my head.

Joseph Campbell: Your life is the fruit of your own doing. You have no one to blame but yourself.

Susan: Okay, great, so now I’ve screwed that up, too. [Susan mutters something under her breath.]

Joseph Campbell: The adventure of the hero — hey, why am I the only one here with a first and last name?

Rumi: Indeed, Joseph Campbell, envy is a defect; worse than any other.

Jospeh Campbell: Look, you flowery-worded twit, I am so sick of you interrupting with that mumbo-jumbo –

Oprah: Boys! You cannot hate other people without hating your self! Where there is no struggle, there is no strength!

Rumi: Oh, put a sock in it, O. And why do you always have to be on the cover of that magazine of yours?

Oprah: It’s MY magazine, you imbecile!

Susan: I hope the agent likes my query. But I know she might not. But maybe another agent will.  I mean, I know this fretting is all part of the process. I’ve never done this before. You do think she’ll like it, don’t you? 

A Male MySpace “Fan”: You look so cute at your age! [yep, another real live goody]

Susan: At my AGE? MY AGE? All right, I’ve had it with all of you… hey, what if this actually works?

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By the way, for good measure I sent a few email queries and will be sending some by snail mail this week, too. Let’s get this query party started…