Finding my space again

I drafted this a while ago, but for some reason it seems fitting (to me) to share on Valentine’s Day.

One of the hardest things about getting married again, after several years of living on my own, was giving up my space. I’m talking all kinds of “space”:   physical space, mental space, my-time-on-the-laptop space, putz-around-the-house-because-I just-feel-like-it, don’t-judge-me! space. And, yes, drawer space. Lots and lots of drawer space.

To this day I still bear (wear?) the scars of three years ago when I emptied out my drawers and reorganized my closets and life to make room for a man who owned ten times the number of clothing items, shoes and accessories than I did. Let’s just say his collection of navy and gray sweaters alone — divided into crew neck vs. v-neck, summer-weight vs. winter — could bury a person alive.

Joe* dresses well and has good taste. For this I was/am happy! For having a caring husband I was and still am very happy! Relegating my jeans to a dark corner of the closet to accommodate his love of Banana Republic and a t-shirt collection that dates back to the late 80’s? For that I was not happy. So not happy.

Then, one day last month Joe saw me reorganizing my dresser again and again, fretting about how I was going to fit the new sweaters I’d received as Christmas gifts into my sad little allotment of drawer space. “Susie**, here’s what I’m going to do for you. I’m going to move my patterned sweaters*** to the closet and you can use this drawer here.”

I was stunned!

In fact, I must have seemed so happy that he then gave up another full-size drawer, moving his heavier-knit sweaters*** to the closet. It was an act of true love and understanding of just how much I needed my space back.

For that, I was and still am very, VERY happy.

-

*Seems silly using just “J” when his real name only has 3 letters. Maybe I’ll come up with a better stage name someday?

**Speaking of silly, I begged my parents to stop calling me Susie when I was around 11. Little did I know that one day I would once again readily answer to it!

 ***Yes, you read that right. I told you he had a lot of sweaters.

I do, take two

Many of my friends (including some of my best single parent pals and readers) have asked how I’m handling this whole getting remarried situation. Well, I’m so glad you asked. Or that some of you asked.

I swear someone asked me…or did I imagine it?

Never mind — I’m a-gonna tell you anyway in this month’s Dinner for One at The Imperfect Parent. I reveal more about breaking the news to my kids and what it’s like to be in wedding planning mode a second time around. I’m happy to say: so far, so good!

Read all about it before you get sidetracked with listening to Mominatrix’s Radio spot on Christian sex toys. Or at least go back and read my article afterward. Please?  ;)

Etiquette

The other night we were driving over to my parents for dinner and T-Rex said to his sister, “Hey, Drama Girl, is my nose bleeding?”

She responded that no, his nose wasn’t bleeding.

I asked him why he thought his nose was bleeding — he’s had one nose bleed that I can recall in his 7 years — and he said something like, “I just want to make sure if someone looks up my nose it isn’t bleeding.”

Me: “Hmm. Do many people look up your nose?”

Him: “No.”

Drama Girl: “No, that wouldn’t be appropriate.”

__

On a more serious note, today I’m having lunch with The Ex. After I told the kids about my engagement to FlyBoy/J. and how J. one day would be joining our family I called my ex-husband, who I’ve had a good relationship with since our divorce 6 years ago, and told him the news. I wanted him to hear it from me, not them.

Well, he didn’t react negatively exactly, but he was in shock. I tried to be straightforward, honest and explained the potential timeline, but let’s just say I lost him at “hello…I’m getting married again.” We spoke for about 15 minutes, he thanked me for telling him the news and we hung up.

As I suspected, after a bit of time went by for him to process the news, he wrote to me with his concerns and questioned me on one or two things that, frankly, really weren’t any of his business.

I answered his questions as maturely and as kindly as possible; I realized he was expressing concerns as a father, but I also understood there likely were other emotions running under the surface. (He’s been dating someone for about 3 years, so some of it may not even have to do with my situation…but that’s none of my business!) I told him I’d be happy to talk further.

To my surprise he sent me an email a few days later saying he was sorry he had acted the way he did, and that he knows I have the kids’ interest at heart. He then wrote, “…I know the best thing for our kids is for your marriage to be happy and stable, and I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

Wow. That brought a tear to my eye. And it still does. I feel very lucky to have The Ex in our kids’ — and therefore my — corner.

So we’re meeting for lunch to talk through some things. J. has also offered to talk to him, if he wants, but first things first. I’m not sure what the etiquette is with an ex-spouse, but I think honesty, maturity, and kindness would be an appropriate start.